Screaming like a girl. (or) The Terror of Lazarus the Coackroach.

It's been a tense week. No internet, and all that. I'm stressed.

Anyway, I was checking the "little loo" to make sure it was
visitor friendly.
There he was, lying legs-up on the floor - just one antenna twitching
sporadically. In the throes of roach-death, he looked harmless.

I ripped off a couple of sheets of toilet paper and leaned over to pick him
up. As my fingertips closed around his little body, a miracle occurred, and he
scuttled off - resurrected just seconds before he would have been flushed
away.
A tiny squeal escaped my lips, and I hurried out to fetch the can of certain
death.
He was waiting for me, a gleam in his roachie eye. I should have known ...

As I sprayed him, he headed directly for me, and as I jumped he veered left to hide behind the ironing board and a pile of old school books in the passage.
Great, I thought, he would die there and my Cleaning Fairy could sweep him
up when she arrived on Tuesday.

I turned back towards the bathroom to rinse my hands and flush the sheet of
toilet paper I had been holding.

He chose that moment to COME BACK – flashed past my foot and just brushed my toes on his way behind the loo.

Bigger scream this time. And to my shame, I ran!
Dearest Love wasn’t sure whether to laugh at me or not. Just leave it, he
said.
But I was determined to finish this monster off, once and for all.

So back I went, armed with my spray can.
I peered cautiously behind the loo, where I expected him to be.
Nothing.
I stepped backwards to get a better angle.

Crunch! Squelch!
Me screaming like a girl!
That awful feeling under my bare foot.
In my desperate effort to not leave a trail of roach-gunk, I hopped towards
the kitchen, and realised - in my state of horror - that the back door was
locked.
No time to look for keys, I prayed that the front door would be open so that
I could wipe this nastiness from my heel.
Please don’t tell the kids I rinsed Lazarus off in the pool J
It’s all over now. The memory is fading. But I’m watching where I walk ...

Recipe for Smoky Lemon Rice

1. Cook rice as you usually do.
2. When it's just about done, put the lid on and turn the heat down really low (i.e. turn the dial past "off" all the down to "high")
3. Go to your computer and log in to FB to check all those status updates while you wait for the dinner to finish off.
4. When you smell smoke, rush back to the kitchen. The rice should be nicely blackened at the bottom, and crispy at the top. If it's black all the way through, order pizza instead.
5. Scrape the crispy (not blackened) rice into a sieve or small-holed colander and rinse thoroughly.
6. Put the rice into a clean container, sprinkle with half a cup of sugar and let it rest for 5 minutes.
7. Rinse again and drain the rice, taking care to spill some of the rice into the sink.
8. Put rice into a microwave-safe container.
9. Slice a lemon into 8ths, add to rice. Season well with Lemon and black pepper seasoning, and dot with butter.
10. If the rice is a bit too dry, add a bit of boiling water.
11. Pop into the microwave and heat through.
12. Serve with overcooked meat & veg of your choice.
13. Leave your other half to pack the dishwasher, and get back to FB as soon as you can, preferably with a glass of wine in hand :-)